


Terminus Et Spes

by suripakokun



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, SAINW, grown up turtles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-16 12:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14165004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suripakokun/pseuds/suripakokun
Summary: After Donnie disappears without any logical explanation, the family faces a challenges it might not even survive, leaving the turtles on different fates apart from each other.TL:DR; 2k12 version of SAINW with plot variation, ergo Donnie disappearing and appearing in the future to see his brothers now 25 years later.





	1. End light

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for possible grammar mistakes, I am not native English speaker. ///

**1\. END LIGHT**

 

It has been just too sickly quiet after his brothers left.

 

  
To start it all from the very beginning, the first one to go was Donnie. No one was really sure what happened to him, but one day he was just gone as if he had dissolved to the thin air. It was like he didn’t even ever leave his home, his lab, or for other’s knowledge, his chair he used to sit while working on his gadgets others didn’t understand much of. One day he was just gone, all of his equipment, tools and phone left at home without any tracks left of him, his unfinished research left carelessly on the screen of the laptop he always closed and hid in case of Mikey wanted to play something on the laptop and would unintentionally ruin his important files. In fact, he had done it before and Donnie for sure learnt from that incident, so it didn’t make any sense he would have left his laptop open. Nothing of it made sense.

  
First the turtles weren’t too worried. Donnie had personality a bit similar to Raph; if something bothered or annoyed him really bad, he didn’t follow his usual ritual of suggesting his potential plans or worries to Leo, hoping certain action to be taken by the leader. He did that only if he was not yet too annoyed or bothered with whatever was making him feel uneasy at the moment. In some cases, he just took his stuff and left to fulfill his silly desires. He had done this kind of unexplained disappearance a few times before, mostly in situation where he wanted to impress April without his brothers snickering next to him or when he really desperately needed something for his gadgets he was uncomfortable or too embarrassed to share with his brothers due the risky nature of his invention for their liking. Eventually, they realized the situation was something completely different than his usual mild solo missions or spontaneous trips to junkyard.

  
After the first day since realizing this wasn’t one of his secret missions to impress April or to get something without his brother's knowledge, they started to look for him. They checked all reasonable sounding locations he would have gone: rooftops, junkyards, the spots in sewers he would have gone to get something and where they often hang out, but nothing. They just didn’t find him anywhere. Nothing of it made sense and there wasn’t any clue of what happened and where he would have gone. They even took a few huge risks with foot clan and other enemies of them, but they soon had to admit it was most likely that they had nothing to do with this odd disappearance.

  
Truly, this disappearance and its unexplained nature broke everyone’s heart and left them confused. Still, they tried to keep it together and keep each other’s hopes up, but it was obvious that their efforts started to be pointless. Everyone turned quieter and started to distance themselves from each other, except Mikey who refused to let the hope go. He still strongly believed that Donnie would be soon found, healthy and well, from somewhere they didn’t realize to look for yet. His attempts to cheer up the other turtles, who at this point realized it all to be hopeless, ended up usually them wrapping their hands around the clingy over-positive turtle or patting his head gently, giving him a gentle, sorry smile. As much it hurt them and broke their hearts, they didn’t want to tell Mikey it was starting to seem obvious that there was little they could do anymore and nothing of it made any sense. It was all so confusing and instead of giving them answer, good reason to grief or get over of the potential death of Donnie and to start  cherish their brother as precious memory, they didn’t know was he dead or what even happened to him and it sure didn’t give them rest or closure. Even Splinter grew ill of grieving his oddly disappeared second youngest son. Eventually he grew really weak and finally the loss of his son killed him.

 

Now with two losses in the family, the already challenging and hard situation got out of hand. Raph was in his typical manner quite destructive and aggressive. Losing his brother and now father made him unstable, angry, miserable and upset, but the scariest changes happened in Leo. He was openly grieving loss of Donnie and comforting others, despite being scared and confused while thinking what happened to him and what he should do to find him. Indeed, he still spent time with his little brothers and comforted them, but after Splinter was gone, he just stopped. He didn’t show any emotions and hardly left his room. He hardly even spoke to his brothers and to little Mikey, who tried to hide his own sadness, confusion and anxiety and who tried to cheer up his oddly behaving brothers, he just ignored him or calmly asked him to leave, eventually refusing to talk to him. It seemed like this all had snapped something in his head and he lost his ability to handle it and he had closed himself into some kind of protective shell. This wasn't the responsive big brother Leo they knew.

  
The strange and agonising situation scared poor Mikey who haven’t seen Leo like this before. His quiet sobs and comforting hugs had turned into empty stare and silence. During the time they were grieving over Donnie, he was normal, just sad, upset and confused, but still behaved like he usually did and talked to his brothers and tried to take care of them. Now, he was just like robot or completely other person, completely unresponsive, cold and empty. 

  
Despite being also upset, shaken and sad, Raph still at least responded to Mikey, snapping at him if he was too angry or upset to talk about his nonsense, but also occasionally comforting Mikey if he needed it, so he wasn’t completely alone. Sure, Raph was slowly starting to lose it as well and started to let his aggressiveness get out of hand, but Mikey found it necessary evil to tolerate. After all, he was still talking with him and caring for him when he just snapped out of his fury and grief. He would need to Raph to just get over it eventually. Same with Leo.

  
  
Then the fights started. when Mikey left unresponsive and cold Leo eventually alone, Raph on the other hand was furious of his change of character. Partly, it might have been him getting upset of Leo not talking to him or poor Mikey who begged him to answer his questions of what they are going to do next and begging of if he would talk to him just a little. Raph's rage already out of control, he didn’t keep anything in while starting to constantly start a fights with Leo, telling him to snap out of it and stop being a huge child. The fights got fast uglier and uglier, forcing Leo to get out of his state of emotionlessness and coldness, letting his earlier hidden feelings to also turn into burning rage and hatred towards his brother. Final straw between their relationship was when Raph assaulted Leo, leaving him quite badly injured.

  
  
Usually Mikey figured out some kind of solution for the normal fighting, family tension and issues between his oldest brothers by distracting Raph or getting between them, stopping them from fighting at least for a while. If his attempts to solve the situation didn’t work in long run, then Splinter usually took the situation on his knowing hands since it was his, not the youngest child’s responsibility to solve the family problems. But now Mikey was alone and Splinter wasn’t there to solve his failed attempts to save the ugly situation. Truth to be told, Mikey had been so busy trying to cheer up and keep his family together that he had nothing left to solve this problem. He was too exhausted to do anything else but lay in his bed sleeping all day. He hadn’t neither even properly grieved the loss of his family yet and didn’t have the mental or physical energy or right tools to solve the situation. So, his behavior changed too. He hid away and stayed out of the way of his brothers, trying to not mentally burden himself, since if he didn’t give himself a necessary rest, sure he would end up ill like Splinter and die. Sure he wasn't old rat with other issues, but he didn't feel like being able to continue like this. Since resting was stressful and challenging in his home that was now turned into war zone between the oldest turtles, he left their home to find some place to rest and collect himself till he would be able to face the situation again.

  
Mikey was gone for week, staying in well hidden places he knew to and eating all kind of food people threw in the trash. Finally feeling like capable to face his family, he returned home after gaining enough energy, secretly fearing the worst or to coming home to see his brothers still fighting.

 

But there was no one at home.

 

  
Unlike with Donnie’s unexplained disappearance, Leo and Raph had taken some of their personal belongings and just left. Had they agreed to stop fighting and left to look for him together or did they leave on their own ways completely forgetting about him? Whatever was their motivation, they were just gone, phones left home. And indeed, they didn’t come back.  
  
Mikey waited there alone for a 2 months. During this time, he gained back the lost energy and did the emotional work, grieving and allowing himself to be upset and sad instead of hopeful and cheerful he had to be for others. He wasn’t able to do it earlier, when the situation in his home escalated and he had to try keep the broken family together and cheer up his brothers. He was even a bit relieved that they were gone, but at the same time it greatly upset him. He tried to look for them from familiar places, but they had gone somewhere he didn’t know to look for or too far away for him to simply go.

  
To be fair, even if he needed this moment for himself to pull himself together and relax, he missed his brothers a lot. He was such person who needed constant physical contact and social interaction and living home all alone without anyone to talk regularly was driving him ill again and he felt like this strange abandoned kid and burden to his friends, so going to them didn't feel like solution. He didn't wanna go be a pest for April for anyone else. He wanted his family back. Also, the food supply was getting empty and as a bit clumsy hyperactive small turtle who had problem to pay attention to certain tasks for long time, he wasn’t sure how to fix the situation without eventually ending up in trouble his brothers usually kept him away. Home was secure place for one turtle that wasn’t the biggest or strongest, but he felt like there was no point to stay anymore. Also, the hope for finding Donnie rose in his mind, so he felt hopeful after long time of being miserable and tired.

  
So, he gathered some of his items, games, food, and toys and left as well. He wasn’t sure where his brothers went, but he got strong feeling that Raph had headed to north and he decided to head there, too. How he would travel and where he would stay, those were questions he would need to solve on his trip to look for his brothers.

He had managed to travel first part of his journey hiding on train till he was on edge of the huge crowded city, now face to face with wide road that headed to north trough less crowded areas. Maybe he should have tried to find some kind of mean of transportation to try hide in or maybe he should return to the trainstation and try figure out which train would head to north. But he felt like since he got this far, it was too late to turn back anymore or change the plans. He was looking for a way to north and there it was. So, he decided to walk by the road till he would find some town or place with truck or other big vehicle he would hide in to make his journey a bit easier. Moreover, walking by this road entering to rural area was what he needed right now. The fresh air and views filled him up with confidence, heck, this was his first big trip alone since his brothers hardly let him leave home alone for some reason. So, he continued his journey. Occasionally hiding and taking safer routes further from the road if there was too much traffic till it was night that made it easier for him to hide, he followed the road forward in shadows.

  
At one point of his journey while he was walking on this now significantly narrowed road surrounded by forest, he saw a nice small pond on a short distance. He decided to rest his hurting legs and sit next to the pond, dipping his toes to the chilly water and taking a wary sip, testing if the water was dirty or tasted odd. A bit odd muddy taste with hint of gasoline, maybe he would pass this. Or no, he was way too thirsty.

After laying there for a while, hiding in long grass in case car would drive by, he started to feel sad and tired again. He missed his family and was feeling a bit scared in a big world where he was lonely outcast. The trip had drained all of the energy out of him and the hope from the beginning of the journey was gone and replaced with realistic worries of how he would manage to hide in coming days and where he would find food or shelter. He was just beyond hungry and anxious. He wanted to go home and cling on his brothers, tell them his funny stories, eat sugary cereal, go to his room, lay on his bed reading comics till Leo would come and tell him to turn off the light and go sleep while also wishing him good night.

  
Mikey sobbed quietly letting a small tear fall down his cheek, hiding his face on his hands. This had all gone just wrong.

 

His quiet and tired whimpering was cut off by big grasshopper that jumped on his stomach out of the tall grass. Since it was first time he has seen such thing, he wiped his tears and looked at the creature curiously, soon forgetting about his depressing thoughts over his family and the situation he was in. He got even a bit excited over this strange creature. After staring at the grasshopper for a while, he tried to catch the thing for closer view. Grasshopper of course escaped his grabbing hands and now excited Mikey got up on his tired knees to follow the curious jumping creature, but he saw something even better. The edge of pond had also huge fat frogs, there was even a small fish on the shore water and on a tall grass there was a butterfly. Not one like those lame ones he has occasionally seen outside in New York. This one was huge and colorful. Everything about wild life was all new and exciting for a turtle that had spent most of his time on the old underground subway station. 

  
But even the magnificent butterfly wasn’t the reason for the peak of his excitement. There was something even more exiting and magnificent. He saw fireflies. Real fireflies. Forgetting about his first target and the butterfly, he got fully up from the ground and tall grass and stared at the beautiful creatures, hypnotized of how cool those things were in dark night at this now incredible small pond. The fireflies headed forward and excited and curious Mikey decided to follow and ran after the new found beautiful creatures, totally mesmerized by their appearance and light he didn't quite understand, desperately wanting to catch one to admire it from his hands. This was kind of stuff he has only seen on tv and he didn’t wanna miss the opportunity to touch the thing. Who knows if he ever sees this pretty thing again. After long time, he was again excited of this world and felt happy and hopeful.

 

   
What happened next happened way too fast for hyperactive turtle to react. He followed the fireflies without realizing he had got back to the dark road. After running to the road, he finally caught one of the fireflies. After he had clamped his hands together, holding the firefly captive for closer inspection, the truck was too close, its speed way too fast for driver or poor Mikey to notice what was happening.

 

  
  
Driver stopped the truck to inspect what he had hit and run down. Since it was night and he didn’t happen to have working flashlight that would help him see his surroundings better, he peeked at dark road behind the vehicle where the animal laid in small pool of blood and gruesome mess made on the road.

  
“Fuck, must be some animal that crawled from the forest or pond”, he muttered trying to get a bit better look, not wanting to really touch the animal or find out if it was some endangered species he would get fined for running over or end up in local news because of it. Since this part of road didn’t have much lights, he didn’t get too clear view of the animal behind the vehicle, but something about it creeped him out and he didn’t wanna stay here or to do anything with this thing. He kicked the remains of the big turtle to the nearby ditch, where the body would be hid by tall grass, soon wiping his bloody boot to the moist grass. Soon he returned in his vehicle and left, trying to forget about the incident. Sure, he had driven over animals before, but something about this and how it roamed front of the vehicle made him feel uneasy.


	2. Regret

**2\. REGRET**

 

Raph panted heavily and cursed quietly while running through the muddy road while looking around to find the right place.

 

 

He had started to feel strong regret about his sudden trip and whole idea of leaving home four days later. After about a month, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to get back home. But he had managed to get already quite far and trying to find his way back to home fastest way possible ended up being more difficult than he thought. It felt like none of the trains with empty wagons or trucks with places for skilled ninja to hide headed towards home and if they did, he really had to figure out his way to hide in to the cargo. Why he had to do this in the first place? It all felt so wrong and stupid when he thought about it now.

About a week later he finally arrived back home. When he excepted his youngest brother to greet him joyfully and hug him tight, telling how he missed him and giving him chance to apologize for leaving in anger and he soon promising Mikey they would be eating something good or playing something fun afterward, there was no one waiting for him. The fact that Mikey was gone somewhere made him horrified. He didn't think Mikey would have decided to leave, too. Where he would have even gone since he hardly had permission to leave home anyway? It wasn’t like him to just take and leave. Where he would have headed, since no one told him where they headed when they left? Raph started to get nervous.

Oh god, why he had to leave? Actually, why he had to do any of this in the first place? He trembled a bit and thought of the last fight between him and Leo that escalated to physical fighting instead of them just insulting each other like they usually did. He was so furious that he lost the control of himself and stabbed Leo to the shoulder. Soon, he realized what he had done. Furious Leo held his bleeding shoulder and told him he had had it now. He wouldn't have any brothers for now on. He was done with all of this. The family was dead for him. This all made Raph hate Leo more than he did before. He hated this family. No, he hated Leo and what he had become, not Mikey or Donnie. He just didn’t think about Mikey at the moment and was too angry and focused on weirdly acting Leo to act rationally. But now it had all happened and there he was with his stupid decisions and grudges. Sure he still felt like he hated Leo, but it wasn't important now and he knew it was the anger speaking. Leo had left to somewhere and he would need to plan to contact him later, since he and Leo both left their phones home. Now number one priority was Mikey.

So, it was time to snap out of it and find Mikey. Running outside, he looked around the sewers and their usual spots in New York, finding nothing. Mikey had really hid himself very well or he had left somewhere far away as well. Heck, what if Kraang or foot clan had kidnapped him? He had no idea where to look for or what to do. Having to face the fact that this wouldn't be easy, Raph slowly returned home after going through the usual locations the turtles went. He felt beyond anxious and worried.

Thankfully, there were many clear signs that Mikey had left on purpose; his stuff was gone and there was even a letter where he stated his plans in case they would return home before he found them. This filled Raph with feeling of pure relief. Mikey left to look for him and most likely was doing fine. Only issue sure was the question of where he was right now. This problem concerning finding the smaller turtle, got soon the needed solution, when Raph remembered something important. A few weeks before Donnie disappeared, he had showed them this new GPS program he created and installed to their phones. The program showed the location of the brothers on map on the laptop, if they were carrying their phones. Opening the laptop, beyond eager to know where his little brother was, he tried to use the system to find where Mikey had gone. Raph had to admit, it wasn't easy to get the program to work. Sure he didn't listen what Donnie said since he felt like it was made to only lurk him if he decided to leave home without telling Leo or Splinter, but the whole technology shit wasn't really just his thing. He didn't just get it.

Finally, he got the program to work and there he was. Raph managed to find the location of Mikey! It didn't seem he had made it too far and if he was lucky, he would be able to reach him during today or tomorrow morning. After month of being miserable and week of anxious worrying, there wasn't limits for the amount of relief he felt right now. He smiled, gathered a few tools and headed towards the highway Mikey had headed. After his family was destroyed by this crisis started by Donnie's disappearing, he really wanted to just get Mikey home and pretend everything was fine for a while. They get always well along (of course minus his stupid questions and occasional pranks) and they would make the turtle family for now since Leo was gone. He would take care of Mikey and Mikey would do his own things. Sounds good and simple enough till he would figure out how to contact Leo. Maybe Leo had finally found Donnie too?

 

Sure it would take some time, but he decided he would rebuild this family step by step.

 

So, he soon ran along the road end of that same day.

 

Arriving to the same road Mikey had walked by, he checked the location the laptop told him to go. Yes, he was really close. There was a small pond, just like in the map! This was the right place, but where was Mikey? It was also starting to worry him how Mikey hasn't moved a bit since he found the location on the laptop's map. Hopefully he was just resting near the pond or gave up about the idea of travelling and stayed there planning his way back to home and was too tired or scared to return to the city yet. There were a lot scenarios Raph calmed himself down with. Sure he would be there just sitting and crying about wanting to go home.

Soon he noticed the colorfur fabric that was Mikey's backpack. There was his phone, some food, toys and games, but Mikey was nowhere to be seen. Has he left to forest or did he forgot the backpack here? Raph’s joy and enthusiasm soon turned into wave of worry and anxiety. He felt like something was wrong. He looked around some more and started to yell Mikey’s name. He would for sure hear him if he had made a camp further in forest so people wouldn't see him. Or maybe he went to look for food. Or something. There had to be some kind of explanation why he couldn't find him even if his stuff was here.

 

Then he smelled something odd. It wasn’t strong, but definitely a bad smell coming from the ditch. Swallowing, trembling and breathing fast, he took a step towards the ditch to take a look.

 

 

Then he woke up.

 

 

Raph panted in horror and looked around his bed as if he was confused of where he was. The view of his familiar, dirty grey apartment in tall abandoned apartment building and view out of the window calmed him down a bit. It was just a dream. He was home alone. It was this sick nightmare again. A nightmare that never stopped persecuting him even if he begged his brains to forget about it.

Trembling a bit, he closed his eyes, cursed quietly and turned around in the bed, trying to find more comfortable position. The mattress had some bloody stains and mold in it. The smell on the nightmare was similar like his old dirty mattress. Maybe it triggered the nightmare and made it feel so real. Hell, it didn’t smell good at all. Actually kind of horrible. He really should throw this shitty mattress out and steal new one from somewhere. Maybe some other apartment had some better ones? Now he just didn’t had mood for it. Maybe later. Maybe end of the week. Now he wanted to rest and try not to think about mattresses or the smell.

After a hour long moment of trying to fall asleep again, he finally got up, mumbling by himself. He walked to the sink and washed his face with barely clean water the abandoned house without proper maintenance offered. It was sure fucked up way to start a day by this agonizing nightmare again. Very tiny number of messed up things bothered him anymore, but this dream never failed to make him feel sick and anxious. 

Then he sat on his also dirty and broken sofa. Its green stained fabric was shredded apart on many places and foam stuffing was gushing out of it. He should change this, too. Some day. He wiped some empty bottles out of the way and swang his hand behind the sofa where his storage of sweet bottled relief was. New full bottle of cure that sure would help him to forget about the nasty nightmare. He opened the cork with his teeth and opened the tv next to the sofa. There was nothing worth of watching this morning. He decided to wait till he would see the news at least if nothing else. Though, it was nothing new. Crime had increased and police had issues to deal with it and social cohesion was crumbling. He might have done his part of causing this issue with his new job, but new murders and safety issues weren’t really news for him at this point. Soon he laid down on his back in the sofa and took a laptop from the table front of him. Kicking a few bottles down to the floor out of the way, where they shattered on the floor. Jesus Christ, it was starting to be so messy and there was junk everywhere, empty bottles and other shit. Maybe he should take the most worthy stuff he had and move to next apartment. After all, it was all his place. Having to drive anyone away from this house wasn’t issue, his reputation kept care of it that no one dared to step in without fearing for their life. If people already hardly dared to step in this neighborhood, his house was place no one wanted to go without good reason.

 

“Ugh, if they pay shit again I am not gonna bother”, Raph muttered, taking the last gulp of the bottle and opening next one. He browsed the messages on the laptop. Sure starting this whole business as assassin had made him quite wealthy, but when you are a gigantic turtle there was little you could do with it outside of darker businesses. Except if you pay some sorry sucker to get you your stuff. Talking of sorry suckers, Raph heard a wary knock from the door of the apartment. He stood up, yawned and stretched.

“Come in already! There’s better be 20 bottles this time, I am not gonna pay for missing shit!”, he yelled, sitting on the arm of the sofa and keeping his eye on the door. Soon a frightened looking young man in dark clothing stepped in with big box of vodka. He looked at the giant turtle and swallowed.

“Y-yeah, there are 20 bottles”, he said trying to hide his nervousness. He lowered the package to the floor since tables were already occupied with empty bottles and other junk.

“Yeah.. uh, boss said it would be 60$”, the man said, taking a brief look around him. Tables, racks and floors were covered with empty food packages, wrappers and shattered or just empty bottles. Jesus, this freak really liked to drink and make a mess. Raph whistled and started to dig his pocket lazily and threw the money at the man in a tight roll.

“There you go, now leave, will you!”, Raph said counting rest of the money he pulled from his pocket. Man nodded and got out of the door closing it behind him, he didn’t mind to deliver stuff to dopes and other miserable wreck of people since he didn't care of them and they usually just wanted their stuff without trouble, but this fucker was beyond creepy. Raph’s reputation at his new job didn’t help the feeling. As long he did what he was told it would be fine.

 

Raph sat on the sofa focusing on the tv again, laptop still open on the table. He had made a few promises for ten thousand worth of cash. The target would be some important businessman who would soon have a vacation nearby enough. He closed the laptop and started to dig his pockets.

“Fucking damn it, the asshole forgot the cigarettes!” he hissed, standing up and stomping to the kitchen to look for some extra cigarettes he held top of fridge just in case. Nothing. Growling, he started to move the bottles and other junk in hopes of finding one forgotten there. Then he remembered the old apartment he used to live in before at downstairs. Some water damage forced him to leave, but he clearly remembered there was some cigarettes in the kitchen there. Behind the broken microwave since he dropped one or two there and was too lazy to get it. He walked down the stairs and opened the apartment door, kicked all of the old garbage out of his way and made his way to the kitchen. Jesus Christ, this apartment was full of junk and smelt bad. Also the floor was starting to turn into mush due water damages. Quite disgusting. No wonder he left after one day his feet sank to the mushy wet floor. It was miracle the apartment hadn't fallen to floor below yet.

Soon he found his precious cigarette behind the microwave he took out of the way and smashed to the floor. He took a sip from the bottle to calm himself down, then lighted the cigarette and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, enjoying the cigarette. He should had have smoke right after he woke up, the lack of it had made him tense and grumpy. Now he had to call the asshole to get him box of new ones. Why these idiots can't do anything right.

Standing on the kitchen smoking rest of his cigarette, he noticed old photo on the fridge door. His heart sank a bit. It was photo of his 15 years old self, about 13 years old Mikey on his lap, grinning and trying to escape his ticking grip, 15 years old Donnie behind the two fooling turtles, looking at his two brother with annoyed expression since they were getting dangerously close of the dvd-player he had just fixed and behind them stood 17 years old Leo laughing at the scene. The picture made him swallow really hard and soon he completely forgot about the smoke or what he was even doing down there in the first place. The relaxation and numb feeling brought by the drink and sweet nicotine disappeared and he was again filled up with deep feeling of misery and anxiety.

For long time, his brothers made him angry. How unfair world was and how it took them away from him. But now, all he had left was misery and the numbness he tried to create to handle the pain. He took another huge gulp emptying the second bottle he soon threw to the pile of older bottles. It didn’t make him feel any better, but he knew the fourth bottle would eventually make him enough numb to handle another day. Taking a deep sigh, he left the room. He had business for tomorrow. If he was sober enough for it. If no, the suckers would have to wait for another day.

 

It didn’t matter. Nothing really did.


	3. How things end up

Donnie woke up in pile of trash on strange dark street. He rubbed his aching neck groaning quietly. After getting his consciousness back he looked around, a bit alarmed after fully seeing his odd surroundings. Actually, he was more than just confused. Where was he? Sure the view looked a bit familiar. It was like new York but.. something was wrong. Instead of the familiar fancy tall buildings with their residents and busy businesses, these buildings were half collapsed mess. In fact, the street he was laying was just a wreck. Total mess. Asphalt was cracking and clearly it has been long time since it has been renewed. Buildings looked like only ones living in them would be animals or most desperate homeless people. What was this place? Some apocalyptic city after zombie attack? Donnie started to grow a bit horrified and crawled behind trashcan to hide. He wasn't sure who he was hiding from, since there was no one to be seen, but this place made him horrified.

But this wasn’t New York. Or was it? Whatever the city was, it had seen its best days and there was no one to be seen. How he ended up here? He was sitting on his lab, when he saw huge flash of light and there he was on this filthy street surrounded by trash and silence.

After hiding for a while, he decided to look around a bit. There was indeed no one. Occasionally he saw a few rats and maybe a few fireplaces made by homeless people, but the usual city traffic he has got used to was gone. He tried to get into the sewers to make his journey feel a bit safer, but sewers of this city had pretty much collapsed into a mess he didn't bother to test how far he would make it before the street would collapse on him. Everything was just confusing mess. No matte how far he walked, this city was abandoned. Finally he made it to filthy river where city seemed to end. From the distance, he was able to see another city with lights and traffic. So there were still people, but not in this weird area. Not at least ones who did mind living in this mess. He continued his walk around a bit till something caught Donnie's attention. One of these abandoned buildings had something familiar on the doorway where there would have been some kind of flag. 

A piece of red fabric he recognized a bit too well. It looked like Raph's bandanna.

 

A bit relieved to know that maybe, just maybe he wasn't alone in this mess of a place, he headed towards the building. This too seemed as abandoned as others. Maybe there was still someone inside? He tried to open the metallic door, but it didn't move. He huffed, frustrated of this obstacle. After a few minutes of fighting with a lock and finally making his way in from the second floor window only to notice there was another door that wasn't locked downstairs, he was finally ready to explore this building. He sneaked forward the hallways, looking around if he would just find anyone. Hallways were filled up with junk and smelled like death. It was also deadly quiet. Maybe there was no one and he had just imagined things in hid desperation?

When he made it to the 8th floor. His 6th sense told him there was something on this floor. In fact, he could hear it. Slight noises coming from one of the apartments. He sneaked a bit closer to try a take look. Yes, it was tv. There was someone living in there after all!

 

Then he froze after feeling cold pipe on his neck.

 

“Who the fuck are you?”, said grumpy familiar voice poking him with the metallic pipe Donnie soon realized to be a rifle. 

“Raph? It is you?”, Donnie gasped  and turned around and.. it would be said that he wasn’t sure if he was right. It was Raph but it wasn’t the Raph he knew. Instead of his bad natured shorter big brother, it was turtle that has left his teenage years behind long time ago. This Raph was much taller and his skin wasn't what it used to be. It was pale and full of scars. This Raph also carried black jacked and other equipment not typical for the turtle he knew.

Older Raph stared at him for a while, still gun aimed at the strange intruder. Raph looked a bit like he didn’t know what to think. Soon he lowered his gun and turned around and went inside of one of the apartments where the noise had come from. Equally confused Donnie stood there for a while trying to reason what he just saw. Who the hell was that turtle? It was like 40 years old Raph who.. oh no. The realization finally hit him. Abandoned wreck of a city and old turtle that looked like Raph. This wasn’t his time, he must have gone to the future somehow. B-but he didn’t have even any machinery that would have caused him to do that. Was this doings of some of their enemies? 

Realizing the situation and how he had nothing to bring him back to his own time, he ran after the old Raph who was now sitting on sofa looking pale and shaking a bit, taking huge gulps from a bottle. He wiped off some sweat from his forehead and sank deeper in the sofa. Donnie followed him quietly trying to still fully understand all of what had happened. Even this this was mess beyond his imagination, at least he had one ally to help him.

“Raph”, Donnie said quietly, trying to get the older turtle to listen but he seemed to be just horrified to see Donnie.

“I’m seeing shit again”, Raph said with shaky voice without even looking towards Donnie. He looked still horrified and pale. Donnie walked to him and touched his shoulder.

“I am not a hallucation Raph, it is me! .. uh kind of, from the past”, Donnie said laughing nervously. Raph ignored him and tried to not pay attention to him till Donnie’s insisting and attempts to prove he indeed wasn’t creation of his imagination finally made Raph to realize this wasn't one of his hallucinations. This really was the Donnie that disappeared to the thin air 25 years ago.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”, Raph hissed his voice still shaking. Donnie disappeared when he was still teenager and there he was again, not a day younger. It was all like some sick joke and didn't make any sense. Why was he here now? Why couldn't he return when they needed him?

“I wish I knew”, Donnie said, as confused as Raph, giving him understanding look. Raph was still beyond confused and a bit horrified. This was some sick joke. Impossible.

Donnie looked around to see there was no one else with Raph. The messy apartment had only one bed and belongings of the grumpy turtle.

"Where are the others?", Donnie asked Raph. He had to admit he was awfully curious of how Mikey and Leo would end up as grown ups. Looking at Raph's miserable residence, he wasn't too impressed but since he seemed to live here alone he assumed his other brothers would had maybe a bit more succeed in life. 

 

Now already pale Raph turned almost white. He swallowed hard and stared at floor without saying anything. Breathing heavily.

"I asked where others are", Donnie repeated, getting slowly a bit annoyed. The older Raph didn't still answer. Finally after a moment of silence, he gave Donnie toxic look and opened his mouth.

"Leo left somewhere, I haven't seen him since I was 16 and Mikey..", he stopped, swallowing again nervously. 

"He died", Raph said finally, looking at Donnie who was shocked hearing this information. 

"When?", Donnie asked. He knew Mikey was kind of turtle who's future made him worried. He was a bit slow, careless and clumsy but he didn't except him to die before one of them. Raph gave Donnie really annoyed look and started to get clearly angry.

"Soon after you disappeared.. but it doesn't matter", he said turning his back to Donnie and taking a huge gulp from the bottle he had in his hands earlier. After this he started to look for cigarettes and lighted one, not turning back towards Donnie.

Donnie was a bit shocked. Mikey died after he disappeared? What happened with the family? It sounded like a lot had went wrong. What about sensei? He had to get back to this own time right now. He took a firm grab of Raph's shoulder and gave him serious look.

“You need to help me to return to my own time”, Donnie said. Raph turned his head around, stared at Donnie without saying anything with puzzled look and finally he gave Donnie one freezingly cold look and huffed.

“It sure isn’t my problem”, he said slapping Donnie's hand off his shoulder. He sat to other side of the sofa to get further away from Donnie and inhaled his cigarette.

"What?", Donnie said a bit surprised of the unhelpful attitude of his brother. Sure Raph would want this to never happen. Why didn't he wanna help him?

“No, there’s nothing I can do and all of is gone already!”, Raph said his voice raising a bit with anger. He turned around and refused to look at Donnie. He looked angry for having to even deal with him right now. 

“What am I gonna do then?”, Donnie yelled, starting to get angry, too. This was typical Raph, but he really needed his help to avoid the tragedy that had stroke this Raph. Why wouldn't he just agree to help him for everyone's sake?

“I do not belong here!”, Donnie said taking a daring step towards Raph who just ignored him and focused on his cigarette he held on his fingers.

“Just... get lost before you manage to make me really angry, okay?”, Raph grumbled and laid down to the sofa, still refusing to look at Donnie. He wanted to get rid of this Donnie, who just made him uncomfortable by reminding him of his own past and his miserable state of existence. At this point he had no desire to rebuild the family or deal with anyone. Leo was gone and their relationship was beyond repair and Mikey was dead. There was no reason to deal with Donnie anymore. It was all gone already.

Donnie huffed angrily, upset of what his brother has became. He headed towards the door and left the messy apartment and wreck of a building, too angry to even think about how he would solve this problem alone. How it all has turned like this?

After getting out of the building and walking away, he sat down and tried to think really hard. Poor Mikey is dead. That leaves there Leo. Leo. Where is Leo? If Raph had turned bitter and unhelpful turtle, maybe his oldest brother would be some use. He stood up and thought about it. How would he ever find Leo in this mess of a world? By some sick luck he had appeared near enough of his grumpy brother’s older form, but Leo was still somewhere.

Then he got an idea. Leo’s phone. Sure at this point it has been god knows how long, but if he would just.. he looked around himself. Streets here were covered with trash, broken cars and the shops on the first floors were wreck. If he would just find enough equipment and right tools to make his plans possible, he would find Leo. 

 

Even if it looked hopeless, maybe he would make it back home.


End file.
